Currents of rejection.

Since 3 years ago, or 2018 to be exact, never have I ever felt that kind of excitement anymore. that butterflies inside my stomach and the sparks in my heart. As I write this at the end of this month, I also think of it as the closing of this month’s chapter. The beginning of this month was beautiful. i got to know someone who is cool, kind, decent, handsome, and pure (well, at least I thought he is). Let’s call him D. I’ve been eyeing him for like the past 4 months (well, not that kond of eyeing you could think of). Since he is my friend’s friend, so I only got any information on him from my friend.

i was on the moon when my friend told me that he breakup with his gf. but that was it, I didn’t do anything… Then come a chance for me to reach him first. i followed his ig first. other than that, I didn’t do anything, but I couldn’t hold it back. After 3 days of following his ig, I DMed him….. and we chatted… and we met… and everything’s well….

But suddenly he wanted to stop everything as he didn’t feel anything… well that confused me. because everything’s allright… we were both happy… why he couldn’t just try it harder… well, i was struggling too… especially on trusting someone again. y think this is easy huh?

Y think hitting up on a total stranger is an easy thing for me? Not knowing your past stories and background….

Then i digged up on every possible reason whe he dumped me..

And i still didn’t get it. He was going around the bush and not spitting the reason to the points. it seemed like he just found any reason to stop our 'process’. well… to be simple, he’s just not interested in me😀 that put me up into this thought.

Am I not beautiful, kind, and lacking in something? Or did I do something wrong that make him turned me off?

he dumped me in a blink of an eye….. but my mind is spinning hard in a long time.. finding the logical and right answer so that I could find my closure.

but i still don’t get it. why?

So the best and the most fit reason was..

He is not interested with me.. by any means and reasons.. because if he does, he’ll try and put some effort.. but he didn’t so yea..

a good friend of mine says that:

Whenever you got dumped by man, in a position where you give the best and the most sincere feeling for him.. don’t ever beg and regret.. because it’s his loss.. and you have nothing to lose.. the man you think is perfect is just your imagination.. where in fact.. he isn’t. He is far from the word perfect. Because the perfect man will fight and fit for you on the right time and place..

Well, i do, still feel a bit down bcs.. for the first time after 3 years, i tried to open up my heart yet it still fail and hurts🙃

Posting it here so I could leave traces on my heartbreaking story,😀😩

-d